CRISIS IN THE LEGISLATURE

There’s a crisis in the legislature. Everything has gone into slow motion. Legislators, staffers, and lobbyists are breathless. What, pray tell, happened? - I hear you cry.

The legislature inhabits a six story building in Juneau. All of the elevators in the old building have now been out of order for several days. No one knows, not even the psychic network, when they’ll be fixed. The elevator motors have died (they now “belong to the ages”), and none are available in Alaska. Apparently the closest parts are somewhere within the labyrinths of New York.

Perhaps the governor could utilize his new jet airplane to ferry the elevator parts from New York to Alaska. If not having to climb five flights of stairs to do legislative business isn‘t a threat to “public safety,” I don’t know what is.

But as the lyrics of the old song claim, “behind every cloud is a silver lining.” We’re all getting more exercise, we don’t eat as much because going to the cafeteria makes us question whether torture by stair climbing is worth it, and we may become weight losers. In that context, being a legislative “loser,” would make us a winner. Oh happy day.